I Do... I Do... I Do...
Well first of all.... marriage has been interesting. I now truly understand what my mom meant when she use to say. "I love you so much but I just don't really like you right now." This phrase seriously baffled me at times, how can you love and not like someone at the same moment. Well I have experienced this situation throughout the past few years. I love Clint and I couldn't have asked for a more perfect man for me. He is patient, understanding, loving, kind and did I say patient? I think that marriage is a funny thing; it reminds me of a roller coaster ups, downs, quick turns, hold your breath and throw your hands in the air & scream with thrills of it all. One thing that I have learned is that I never want this "ride" to end! Lost and Found
Sunday, December 20, 2009 will forever be etched into my mind. I was having such a lovely and wonderful day. Clint and I had gone to church, one of my favorite times of the years being a Christian; singing carols, sparkling candlelight, crimson red poinsettia lining the alter, as we listen to the true meaning of the season LOVE IT! Well we came home and I finished fluffy the fabric ribbon bows on the packages & arranged them under my simple but sweet tree. Oh and did I mention I had COMPLETED shopping too. Yes, it was like a true Christmas miracle! I had actually accomplished my goal of finishing before Christmas Eve. :) After all the wrapping paper, tags & ribbon were put away in our tidy little house & we sat in the living room enjoying the fact that the Christmas lights were hung outside, both of the kids trees were twinkling and Clint & I were feeling like this was going to be the best Christmas ever! We chit chatted a little about all that had accomplished and I told him I've got to call mom. I called her and like a small child I was so happy to tell her about my day! As I was getting off the phone with her she said "Well Jess, I'm so glad that you're on top of it. That is the way it should be. Now you can enjoy your week and remember what is important about Christmas. I'm so proud of you. Love you and talk to you later." Those would be the last words that I ever heard from her. Just a few hours later, mom suffered a heart attack and passed away in the wee hours of December 21st. Jonathan called and said "Hey Sissyca can I talk to Clint." The nosey person that I am put it on speaker phone and heard Jonathan tell Clint that mom had a heart attack and she didn't make it. My heart broke. I fell to my knees and never felt that sick, broken and confused. Seriously, she was going to talk to me later.... she was ok. Yeah I could tell she was tired, she said she had a cold, she didn't feel great but she was fine just a few hours before. How could this be happening. Clint was there holding me up, literally. He helped me to my jell-0 filled legs and said what do you need. I remember saying "My mom, I need my mom." I will always remember how he held me and said "Oh darlin, I know you want her. I'm sorry... I'm sorry.... I'm sorry." I can't imagine how he must've felt. I don't really recall the following events very well at all. I called my friend Christy because her number was the only one I could recall from memory. I told her that I needed her go and be with my little brothers that they didn't have anyone.... please go help them. Of course, within the hour there were several Circle Of Friend "COF" Girls up there with my brothers. Clint packed my bags because I was useless to even pack my own bag... loaded me up in the car at 2 or 3 am and drove 7 1/2 hours to Kansas City without even a hesitation. I loved him more for his strength, love, compassion and friendship. The service is a blurr --- I know this sounds weird but I really wish I had it on video because I don't remember anything that was said really but I know I felt good about the life that she lived and the legacy that she left. I remember feeling a real joyous, triumphant moment when we had them play the song "Praise You in the Storm". I will have to blog more about what I've learned through the bittersweetness of losing one of my first loves later on. Mom was my first forever best friend that showed unconditional love and wisdom. But I can now see that I found even more love, respect and friendship in my husband, Clint.
And Baby.... the best is still to Come!
I will have to share this story in more detail later. (I'm working on my story... in my head) LOL But just when I think that God is as big as I can imagine.... He surprises me. He has topped Himself again!
